자기 주장도 강해지고 떼를 쓰기도 하는데, 아이가 말을 듣지 않을 때는 참 난감하다.
가장 손쉬운 해결 방법이 손찌검이긴 하지만, 가급적 힘(폭력)을 통해 어떤 문제를 해결하는 모습을 아이에게 보여주고 싶지 않아서, 주로 엄한 말과 단호한 태도를 통해 훈육을 하고 있다.
그래도 가끔씩은 내 압도적인 힘으로 아이를 무력화 시키고 싶은 유혹에 넘어갈 때가 있다.
그렇게해서 아이를 내 뜻에 복종시키고 나면 늘, 나 역시 월터 윙크가 지적한 대로 '폭력을 통한 구원 신화'에 얼마나 물들어 있으며 이 치명적인 지배가치에 실제로 맞서기란 또한 얼마나 어려운 것인가를 몸소 느끼게 된다.
손찌검 같은 낮은 단위의 폭력이라도 갈등을 해결하는 도구로 사용하지 말아야 할테고, 그러려면 어찌되었든 말을 사용할 수 밖에 없다. 좀 더 효과적인 말의 형식을 찾던 중 자주 가는 육아사이트에서 도움이 될 만한 자료를 찾았다.
Alternatives to threats
| You want your child to: | Instead of this: | Say this: | Which is better because: |
| Go to bed and stay there | "If you get out of bed one more time, I'll scream." | "After I put you to bed, I expect you to stay there." | The expectation for the behavior is clear and unemotional. |
| Eat his peas and carrots | "You're going to sit at the table until you finish your peas." | "Remember — we won't have a snack before bed." | It reminds him that the kitchen's closed, but he can still choose whether or not to eat. |
| Brush his teeth | "No bedtime story if you don't let me brush your teeth." | "It's time for bed. What do we do first to get ready?" | It lets him know it's time for his bedtime routine without being punitive. |
| Behave in the grocery store | "Stop running now or no TV when we get home." | "Can you help me find the cereal you like?" | It distracts from the negative behavior and offers a positive alternative. |
| Ask without whining | "If you whine once more, I'll take away your pull toy." | "I'd like to listen, but I can only understand your normal voice." | It lets him know you're interested in what he's saying but won't accept the tone. |
| Clean up his room | "No dinner until your room is clean." | "Let's pick up your toys and put them in your toy chest. Do you want to do that before or after dinner?" | It makes your expectations clear, but also gives your child a choice. |
| Stop tattling | "I'm not taking a tattletale to the playground." | "It sounds like you're upset with your sister. You need to tell her why." | It helps your 2-year-old understand that kids have to work it out together. |
| Be quiet in the car | "If you scream one more time, we'll turn around and go home." | "I'm having a hard time driving. I need to pull over until you're settled." | It lets your child know the effect, limits, and consequences of his behavior. |
